The purpose of this blog is to express my feelings toward a hot topic that has been resonating in my mind a lot of the past few years- The Difficulties of Finding a Solid Relationship. It’s sad that it has been thirteen years since I have been in a long term relationship. Don’t get me wrong however, I have dated during this time; but I have yet to find anyone of substance or someone who TRULY wanted to build a solid foundation. I continuously run into guys that are card carrying members of the “Excuse Club.”

Take for example this guy, who shall remain nameless, that I just met a few weeks ago. He talked a very good game, telling me how much he wanted to get to know me because he found himself very attracted to me, and he thinks I’m so nice, blah, blah, blah. He asked me out on a date, and I accepted. The date was wonderful and the conversation was great. I was thinking to myself, “Wow, what a great guy. I’m definitely going to pursue this one.” It didn’t take long though before my bubble burst. Almost three weeks to the day that we met, he informs me that he and his ex boyfriend have decided to give it another try. I listened intently as he went on to tell me that he thinks I’m a very, very, very nice guy, and he’s very attracted to me and thinks that we have great conversation. However, he just wanted me to know where he head is and not lead me on. In addition, he’s hoping that we can build a solid friendship.

That should be commendable, except there is one problem that I have with this story. If he and his ex were talking about getting back together, this wasn’t a gradual process that just happened over night. He had to have known this before he started pursuing me, so why waste my time? That’s what I don’t get. As far as us building a friendship is concerned, I don’t think so. I cannot be friends with someone who can’t be honest with me from the beginning. My philosophy is put all your cards on the table and let me decide whether I want to get involved with you or not. It wasn’t up to him to decide for me, which in essence his did, by giving me only half truths when I asked him if he was dating, involved, etc.

The good thing is that situations like this don’t hurt anymore. They only make me feel numb as I have been run over by that train before. I keep asking myself what is it going to take for men to stop their bullshit and be honest about what it is that they want. I guess the world may never know.

What’s most annoying to me is the type of excuses that I have heard over the years. Here are a few of them:

“You are such a great guy and you deserve someone who can give you better than what I can.”

“I thought I wanted someone, but I realized that I’m not ready yet. I hope we can still be friends.”

"I have the Madonna Complex when it comes to you.” You’re probably just as curious about this one as I was. Here’s what the Madonna Complex is: For some men, love and sex don't mix. For them, love is reserved for 'good' women, and sex is reserved for 'bad' women. In cases of the Madonna/Whore Complex (or Syndrome), a husband's relationship with his wife may be based upon the unmet intimacy needs he had as an infant. He may unconsciously seek out a woman who reminds him of his mother so that those needs can finally be met.

When these men marry, they will marry a 'good' woman, a virginal woman. They will love her, they will protect her, and they will treasure her. But they don't feel comfortable having sex with her once they marry. It would be 'dirty', like having sex with their own mother -- the purest 'good' woman in their life. And, once their wife becomes the mother of their children, the lines blur even more for him between his wife and his mother.

You probably got a good laugh from that one, as that excuse had nothing to do with me. It’s truly sad that he couldn’t come up with a better one than that. I’m grateful at this point in my life that I didn’t allow those experiences to cloud my judgment and result in bitterness. However, I still get annoyed because as grown men we should be honest with one another without fear of being rejected or being scolded.

Although I haven’t given up on love per se, it does seem that I’m heading in that direction. No one could have told me that at 34 years old that I would still be single with no potential prospects. I would have called them a liar to their face. However, the unfortunate truth is I’m very much single and may be that way for the rest of my life. I’m hoping that won’t be the case; but if it does become my reality, I can deal with it.

All in all, honesty is the best policy. If you’re not feeling someone, you should just tell them instead of coming up with a "lame ass excuse." And they shouldn’t take it personally. I will leave you with this food for thought. “No matter how sexy, good looking, muscular, fat, slender, etc you are, you will always NOT be someone’s type.”